All girls do it. Without even thinking, we do it. We make judgements about guys based on how they act in certain situations. When playing mini golf, does he keep score and make a big deal out of the competition, or is he relaxed and just looking to have fun? When he takes you to the movies, is he quick to pay, or does he wait to see if you’ll buy your own ticket? And then, based on all of the observations we make, we make a decision. He keeps score in mini golf, so he’s competitive. He takes things too seriously, so you don’t want to date him anymore. Without even thinking, we do it.
So what other tests are there? My most recent test is the Frozen Yogurt Test, brought about by the opening of a few new froyo places in town. Sitting with las chicas on the patio of Sweet Cece’s inspired a conversation about judgements we make based on frozen yogurt. Does he sample everything? Does he load his bowl with toppings? Does he not get toppings at all?
At the end of this conversation, we decided that my ideal guy would walk in, sample a few things so that he could weigh his options, look at all the toppings, then choose a yogurt based on what toppings he would be getting. What would this say about him? He’s careful and cautious, and he explores all his options before making his final decision. Perfect, yah?
So it was much to my surprise when Ben took me to Orange Leaf and chose a swirl between peanut butter and chocolate, the first lever on the wall. He covered his frozen yogurt with candies like Reese’s and Snickers. He did pretty much the opposite of what my ideal guy would do. Choosing right away without weighing out your options means you’re casual to commit and you don’t look at what else is out there before making a decision.
But maybe my assumption is wrong. After talking through it with a friend, he told me that choosing right away means Ben knows what he wants, and he’s not going to look at everything else when he has a good thing in front of him already. He’s not going to second guess himself or regret his decision, because he already knows what he wants.
Regardless, my ideal guy would still make the best decisions, right? I mean, sampling a lot and looking around shows caution and care. What could be wrong with that? Well maybe sampling everything shows that you’re afraid to take risks. You can’t just go with your gut and trust your instincts. And maybe you won’t choose right away because you’re scared to commit. Maybe the thought of making a final decision makes you nervous, so you have to sample everything to be sure.
Despite my firm belief in my ideal guy making all the right decisions, every argument has two sides. It doesn’t really matter how a guy chooses his dessert, because whatever judgement you make from that could be good, bad, right, or wrong. Whether he’s cautious to commit or willing to take risks, it’s going to take more than a trip to Orange Leaf for you to decide anything about him. Sure, he chose the first flavor he saw, and sure, he picked a ton of random toppings, but isn’t the important thing that he was patient and kind when I stressed over which flavor to pick? Isn’t the important thing that he teased me a little bit when I agonized over what toppings to get? Isn’t the important thing that we had fun? Maybe my Frozen Yogurt test isn’t as accurate as I expected it to be. And maybe, just maybe, my judgements are wrong.